im gonna let it shine.

sometimes I look at my life and there seems to be a hole. I forget about the fire and joy that I once had and rather look at all the negative things that are going on.

like... how I work at Tim Hortons everyday, am asked to be a supervisor, am a

supervisor, and rather than it being a benefit, I get ripped off by babysitting and

not getting paid for it. Or how I never see my family, because we all have opposite

schedules, or how I am feel lonely so often.

however, looking back at these times of depression, loneliness, self pity, and annoyance, I am reminded of what God has done for me. God has given me an awesome opportunity at Tim Hortons. The owners there love me and I get along with them really well. Sure the money is not that great for the amount of work that I do, but I do get 32 hours a week on top of what I am already working for my dad. This summer has been difficult in seeing my family because of our opposite schedules, however the times that we do see each other are special and times that I treasure. And the times that I am alone give me huge opportunities to build on my relationship and engage in the indescribable, incredible, everlasting, infinite love that God has for me.

Contentment. Something the enemy seems to consistently try to take away. The children's song that is so simple but beautiful is this little light of mine.

This little light of mine.

I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.

Don't let satan blow it out...

Hide it under a bushel, No...

But let it shine till Jesus comes...

I'm gonna let it shine.

life in this world is frustrating, unfulfilling, annoying, and painful. However, knowing that following Christ is a choice - a pretty good one at that. Knowing myself that I strive for a better relationship with God and to live for His glory, verses like 1 Corinthians 9:23-25 are a continual encouragement to press on. Paul writes, "I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."

And then Jesus' words in Matthew 16: 24-26 are such a challenge to really choose Him. Not be lukewarm but rather on fire for him, having that little light BURN. "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Deny himself.

Take up his cross.

Follow Him.

Thats some powerful stuff. Give it all. Everything I know, and am comfortable with, 'deny' to follow Him. But then there is a promise, whoever wants to save his life, will lose it; but whoever loses his life for me, will find it.

If my life that I am living is one of discontentment and loss, why not lose it. Sure, the life I have is predictable, I know what will happen, I am comfortable, however, comfort isn't part of the promise.

"whoever, loses his life for me will find it."

losing it. and finding it.

losing what I know, to find the promised beautiful unknown.

And because of this beautiful unknown, I can say, 'It is well, it is well with my soul.'

As I Marvel

"Here we see that God your moving"

As I was thinking on how to start this post, I heard this line from a song I was listening to.

God is so good.

Overall in this past year, there have been many times that this has been hard to say. Many times when I simply say I know God is good, but where is He.

Struggles continue to come, however,

"Into marvellous light I am running."

Things that I have been praying about,

Places I have messed up.

Mistakes I have made.

Things that have hurt me.

Uncertainties of life.

Are all coming clear.

"My dead heart now is beating,

my deepest stains now clean,

your breathe fills up my lungs,

now I'm free.

Sin has lost its power

Death has lost its steam.

From the grave you've risen,

Now I'm free."

Praise God From whom all blessings flow.

There is nothing more to say except what a marvellous, love, merciful, and gracious God.

-Amen

equally skilled.

The song 'Equally Skilled' by Jon Foreman is such a beautiful crafted song. I love how in the beginning of the song its so depressing as he points out how easy it is for us sinful people to do evil to others and selfishly within our world. However, how masterfully and mightily our merciful God turns that around.

How miserable I am

I feel like a fruit-picker who arrived here

After the harvest

There's nothing here at all

Nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone

There's not one honest soul left alive

Here on the planet

We're all murderers and thieves

Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands are equally skilled

At doing evil, equally skilled

At bribing the judges, equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of our hands

Both of our hands

The day of justice comes

And is even now swiftly arriving

Don't trust anyone at all

Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father

The daughter despises even her mother

Look, your enemies arrive

Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled

At doing evil, equally skilled

At bribing the judges, equally skilled

At perverting justice

Both of their hands

Both of their hands

No, don't gloat over me

Though I fall, though I fall

I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness

The Lord, the Lord alone

He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord

Punishes me for the wrongs I've done

Against Him

After that, He'll take my case

Bringing me to light and the justice

For all I have suffered

And both of His hands

Are equally skilled

At ruining evil, equally skilled

At judging the judges, equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands

Are equally skilled

At showing me mercy, equally skilled

At loving the loveless, equally skilled

Administering justice

Both of His hands

Both of His hands

oh the girl in training....

Tim Hortons is where I work seems like 95% of my life. Not a bad thing, making money for school which is good. One shift in particular stands out in my mind however. A new girl, working her 5th shift, - lets call her Tammy for the stories sake - made this shift memorable for me.

Tim Hortons was Tammy's first job. She was very nervous, but in her opinion, was ready to learn. I, being the supervisor during the shift, thought Tammy looked promising, having great potential to be a good and helpful worker.

MOST people after their first shift of training understand the small sugar button and the small cream button, are for the small cups.... Tammy didn't

MOST people after the first shift understand that

brown pots = regular coffee

orange pots = decaf coffee

red pots = steeped tea

Tammy didn't

MOST people after there first shift are starting to understand which donuts are which, especially the popular ones like chocolate dip, boston cream, chocolate glazed, and honey dip...

once again, Tammy didn't

Thats okay. It was her first shift.

I understand.

This story continues on Tammy's 5th shift. Short training shifts are over. One is now left on their own on a section.

Tammy was left on till 4.

I was on drive thru going CRAZY, the store was so busy, truck was here one guy was helping the truck driver unload, one guy did not show up to work, I was on drive thru and sandwich bar by myself, and Tammy was on till 4.

I was making a sandwich and one of our regular customers comes up to me and says, "Emily, I asked for steeped tea and this for sure is coffee." I took it, looked at it, and could tell and smell that it was coffee.

No problem.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Normally I would just remake it, however, be crazy busy, I went down to Tammy, and asked her to.

She looked at me and was like, "I made that a tea."

"Tammy, this is coffee though."

"I got it out of the steeped tea pot."

"Which pot of steeped tea did you use?"

"This orange one."

Once again, for those of you don't work at Tim Hortons, Orange = decaf..... her 5th shift.

I stood there thinking, okay, mistakes happen, shes fairly new, not a big deal, moving on.

I fixed the tea, ran back to drive thru, met a few angry customers, apologized, worked faster than I ever had before and continued.

When I thought I wasn't busy enough, I looked at the front and saw that there was a line of customers out the door. Tammy was serving a man in a red t-shirt. My head set was beeping again with 3 customers waiting for their orders.

I finished serving all of them. Turned around, still man in the red shirt. Longer line.

Head set: beep.

"Thank you for choosing Tim Hortons, I'll be with you in one moment."

I ran over to Tammy who was standing there doing nothing at the time, just standing there, "Tammy, whats up?"

"Oh nothing just making a coffee and gonna grab a donut for this man."

"Cool, do you have the coffee ready?"

"Yep."

"Did you give the man his coffee?"

"Yep."

"Did you grab his donut?"

"Oh, no, not yet."

Slightly confused, "oh, you gonna get it for him?"

"Oh, yeah, it was a chocolate glazed."

Sweet, in my mind, thinking sweet, nice and easy chocolate glazed, exactly what its called, brown chocolate with shiny glaze.

looks something like this (not Tim Hortons glazed, but pretty much like this)

Tammy, however picks up a Honey dip and says, "This is chocolate glazed right?"

mmm... slightly different. Not chocolatey... white...

I corrected Tammy, "Actually, thats the Honey dip donut, this one here is the chocolate glazed."

Tammy is a sweetheart, customers love her smile and charm, just a little slower on the concepts of Tim Hortons.

Later on in the shift, a customer came up to me and said, "I ordered double doubles, but this only has sugar in it." I looked, and he was right.

I fixed the coffees, apologized and then went down to Tammy to make sure she knew that double double meant 2 sugars and 2 creams.

I went down to her till and asked her, she knew, but then said, "The coffees here do not seem to get lighter from the cream like they do at home."

I'm thinking, 'What?! what do you mean they do not get lighter.'

"Tammy, did you push the cream button?"

"Yes."

"Did you see anything come out?"

"No."

"Tammy, your cream machine is empty."

I dont know how many coffees went out without cream, however, to Tammy, rather than thinking there is no more cream in my machine, or noticing that the cream she was once seeing was no longer there, it was simply the coffee was darker than at her house, and the cream didn't make it lighter.

Tammy, you make me smile.

Looking back at the shift, it was the craziest shift, funniest shift, and most stessful shift I have ever worked in my life.